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Journey to Becoming a Mommy

When I got married in March of 2012 I had no idea that our next chapter of starting a family would be our first obstacle to overcome together.  As an African American woman, I have since found it common that we do not make it a priority within our culture to consider pre-family planning education.  I had regular gynecological check-ups, but had no idea of even where to start with trying to conceive.

I immediately stopped birth control and we started trying.  This is when I learned about ovulation, the many phases of our menstrual cycle and other very interesting things that our amazing body is capable of.  As I started to track my cycles I found the Trying To Conceive (TTC) community on Youtube.  I watched and listened and finally something began to happen.  About 2 months into TTC, I got a positive pregnancy test on a cheap dollar tree test.  By this time, I had tracked ovulation with test strips and knew when I should have been expected my period.  When I didn't get my period I knew it was a true positive and to get it confirmed by the doctor.

I went to the doctor on the air force base we were stationed at, they took my blood and I waited for the results in the office.  Expecting the doctor to come in and tell me how to get started with prenatal care, I was very excited and nervous at the same time.  The doctor came into the room, sat beside me and told me that the result was negative.  Negative?  I was very confused.  The doctor then explained to me that I most likely had a false positive, to keep trying, and to have a great day.  I couldn't believe it and was too shocked to ask more questions.

Back to Youtube I went for the answers.  It was then that I learned about a chemical pregnancy.  According to the International Journal of Comprehensive Nursing, Vol 1 Issue 6, chemical pregnancies are very common, occurring in 50-60% of first pregnancies.  Many women, especially those who are not TTC will not notice when a chemical pregnancy occurs since it happens before the 5th week of gestation and appears more like a late period.  Chemical pregnancies occur when an egg is fertilized but fails to implant into the uterine wall.

After the chemical pregnancy, we continued TTC but for the next year nothing happened.  In April of 2013 we got pregnant!  After my hcg levels did not rise properly and I experienced bleeding for days, into weeks, I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy.  Here I was being educated again on another reproductive health condition.  An ectopic pregnancy occurs when an egg is successfully fertilized but implants in a location other than the uterine wall.  My ectopic had gone too far undiagnosed and I went in for an emergency surgery within hours of being diagnosed.  It was then made clear to me that starting a family would be much more difficult than expected, especially now since my right Fallopian tube had to be removed along with the ectopic.

The surgeon told me to expect many more complications in the future since my remaining Fallopian tube looked damaged (from what she could tell during the surgery) and that I should start to consider IVF.  We took a few months not really focused on TTC and decided in July 2013 to begin IVF consultations.  I was recommended to have an HSG, which is a procedure performed to take a closer look at the remaining Fallopian tube and reproductive tract.  While scheduling the HSG, I was required to take a pregnancy test.  To my surprise the test came back positive.  I was overwhelmed with shock, fear and anxiety.  I immediately went to my husband and cried into his chest, expressing how afraid I was that we would have another ectopic.

Weeks went by, my HCG levels rose beautifully.  Around 7 1/2 weeks I went in for a routine ultrasound, alone at this point since my previous appointments had gone so well.  The ultrasound tech started with the probe and found a beating heart immediately.  Tears came to my eyes and I let out a sigh of relief.  Soon the ultrasound tech said "what is all of this around the sac?"  She grabbed someone else's attention who was walking past the room, they took a peak at the screen and without any hesitation or consideration of me said, "Yep, that's not in her uterus."

I was asked to go to radiology to confirm a second ectopic pregnancy, it was confirmed and I was again under emergency surgery to remove my perfectly healthy baby that had made itself comfy in my Fallopian tube.  I was distraught, frustrated but relieved that this would never happen again (at least not in my Fallopian tube) since I would no longer be able to conceive naturally.

After the surgery in August of 2013, we were officially candidates for IVF and in November 2014 we started.  Stay tuned for the next blog, where I will discuss my IVF experience.


We wrote a message to our lost babies, put the message in a bottle and set it free into the ocean during a restoration trip on the anniversary of the second ectopic pregnancy.







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